Granny Knows Best
by FoxoftheDesert
Summary: In which Granny is her saucy self and thoroughly embarrasses Ruby over her relationship with the mayor. Set early S2.


**A/N:** No idea where this came from. Enjoy the randomness.

 **Standard Disclaimer** : These lovely characters ain't mine, I just play with them gently. Please don't sue me. The mistakes are mine, though.

* * *

Thumb idly brushing over the key just placed in her hand, Ruby practically glides back to the counter with her heart pretty much floating somewhere in the upper atmosphere. Her lips still tingle from the toe-curling kiss Regina left her with before sashaying out the door as if having just won the lottery. Which she kind of has considering what Ruby just allowed to happen in her grandmother's establishment. No matter that it is well after hours and Storybrooke has been blanketed by nightfall, or that virtually everyone in town is tucked away in their homes or, like David who is pulling double duty with Emma and Snow missing, hunched over their desks at work burning the midnight oil. If Granny found out…

Ruby shudders at the thought. Granny loves her but the signature weapon she keeps hidden underneath the counter is proof of a mean streak Ruby has no interest in seeing. Particularly since it probably won't be pointed at her. The last thing she needs is for her affair with the Evil Queen to be outed in public at the business end of a razor sharp crossbow bolt aimed at Regina's heart. Not only will her choice in lover likely result in her immediately being ostracized by the majority of her friends, but there is no telling what Regina will do. Any threats from Granny will be more warning than immediate intent, but the distinction has not mattered much in the past to Regina. Ruby would quite like to keep them both alive, thank you very much.

Once, right after the Curse broke, Ruby made some threats of her own that were taken badly. Regina physically bullied her to the door, tossed her out via magic with a flick of the wrist, and then wouldn't look at her for days. Even when she did, it was just to shoot Ruby this dirty look of betrayal that made her feel like an ass even though she did nothing wrong. She wasn't the one who cursed an entire kingdom to get revenge on one ignorant girl! Still, she came crawling back with her tail tucked between her legs and was so, so relieved when they made up. Damn her soft heart where that woman is concerned.

The reason for the spat was Ruby being bombarded with twenty-three years of returning memories that were colliding with twenty-eight worth she made in Storybrooke. Not only was she reeling from having to mesh her own disparate personas, but on top of that she was trying to reconcile herself to Regina's. The balancing act was honestly maddening for a while.

On one hand, the villainous tyrant feared by everyone in the Enchanted Forest was impossible to ignore. So many innocents died because of the Evil Queen's remorseless vendetta against Snow. Had Ruby been given the opportunity way back when, she probably would have killed Regina without a second thought. Never mind that she had been half in love with her since catching a glimpse of a beautiful, isolated, and forlorn trophy Queen who traveled through her village and even stopped for an hour to peruse the wares the local merchants were offering for sale. Tragedy and despair erased the lovely smiles and youthful resilience that stole a thirteen year old Ruby's heart. Hatred replaced them with vicious sneers and murderous resolve. By the time the Dark Curse was cast, the Evil Queen had wrapped herself in so snugly in darkness that Ruby didn't think there was anything left inside that resembled a human being. How wrong she had been!

As stark as her loathing of that woman was, she spend the better part of three decades head over heels for a passionate, charming, sassy, and brilliant mayor whose morning visits to the Diner for coffee and a bagel were the highlight of Ruby's day. Their conversations did not consist of much more than passing banter about innocuous subject, but they filled Ruby's heart with joy that could not be equaled interacting with anyone else. There was something special about Regina she could never quite put her finger on though she longed to with a desperation that approached unhealthy. Then Henry came along, revealing yet another side to Regina, that of a loving, doting, firm but fair mother. The whole package taken together was nip that Ruby – werewolf or not – simply couldn't resist. And when they bonded over infant Henry's obsession with the scantily clad waitress that became his official babysitter, she was introduced to her favorite aspect of her lifelong crush. Who would have guessed Regina was a secret romantic who loved cuddling on the couch every bit as much as dancing to Sinatra by the moonlight streaming through the living room window? Not even Ruby could have predicted that, and she had spent far more time dreaming of what Regina was like in private than could be considered appropriate.

Falling in love with Regina was the easiest thing she has ever done in her life. If only that ease extended to explaining to her friends that even with her memories back, she cannot let go of what she has found with their old nemesis. However malicious Regina was back in the old world, in Storybrooke she is demonstrably different. Not necessarily good but certainly better than the bloodthirsty witch she used to be. And even if Regina can still be mean, condescending, judgmental, and violent, Ruby can't find it in her heart to care. Aside from the fact she often finds those traits a turn on, she loves Regina too much to walk away. What that means for her when Snow and Emma return is a bridge she'll have to cross when she gets there. She just really, really hopes she isn't made to choose, because there is only one person who will approve of her decision. Her absolute certainty about that is the only thing keeping her back straight and her chin held high right now.

Earlier this morning, Regina had posed that very scenario over breakfast. For once, she let Ruby sleep over, and Ruby suspected it was because she was subconsciously clinging to something she had convinced herself would soon be at an end.

" _What will you do when Snow and Emma are back?_ " she had asked, looking subtly miserable, as if she had already accepted defeat but didn't want Ruby to pick up on it. " _You've said before that you think Emma will have no problem with our relationship, but we both know Snow will. Even if by some miracle she doesn't, the rest of the rabble will no doubt pressure you to pick sides_."

Ruby nodded sadly. " _I_ _know. I can't say how sad that would make me. It'll hurt a lot to lose so many friends."_

Ruby will never forget the transformation that occurred in Regina as her answer registered. It was amazing to watch. As those gorgeous brown eyes widened in astonishment, hope bloomed anew across features resigned to losing someone else she loved. With a warm tint to her cheeks, Regina stared at her as if she were just truly seeing her for the first time. Underlying this, though, was a fear that Ruby was unprepared to leave unaddressed.

" _Hey, it's okay_ ," Ruby said, gently taking Regina's hand over the table. And as she spoke, she reveled in the confidence that slowly replaced Regina's rational – yet extremely sad – uncertainty. " _You can believe me when I say this. So listen carefully, alright?_ " When Regina nodded, Ruby leaned over the table to press a kiss to her knuckles. " _If they make the mistake of drawing lines, I'll be on your side. Not theirs. I will always choose you, Regina. Always. I love you. These past several years have been the best of my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled about the whole curse thing, or about secrecy, but if dealing with that is how it has to be for me to be with you, I'll take it. No one else can ever make me feel the way you do because you know me better than anyone else ever will. I think I know you the same way, and I think that's why we're so good together. I'm not willing to give us up for anything. Not even for my best friends._ "

" _And what about your grandmother?_ " Regina posed, still stubbornly hanging on to a tiny thread of doubt. " _What if she objects? She's the most important person in your life, Ruby._ "

" _She won't object,_ " Ruby said confidently. Granny might disapprove of her choice but she would kill anyone who tried to take that choice away from her. " _But even then my decision will be the same. You said she's the most important person in my life. And she was. But she's not anymore. You are. So, like it or not, you're stuck with me woman._ "

For a moment, Regina sat back, flabbergasted. It was so painfully clear right then no one else had ever put Regina first. Seeing that made Ruby simultaneously want to cry and turn into the wolf to eat the people who taught Regina she wasn't good enough to be the most important person in their lives. The thought then occurred to her that she was going to be the one to change that, if it was the last thing she did.

When the silence had extended too long, Regina cleared her throat. " _Well, aren't I just the luckiest woman on earth._ "

The twinkle in her eye told Ruby she was joking, but she couldn't resist a little push back. _"Guess you shoulda showed me the door after Henry's second birthday party when we had our first kiss while we were cleaning up._ "

Regina's expression turned wry. " _How could I? Henry would have pitched an unholy fit. He was so attached to you. Still is._ "

Preening, Ruby gave her a winning smile. " _What can I say to that? Your son has excellent taste. Like his mother._ "

After a brief chuckle from Regina, the comment earned Ruby a sweet kiss that she carried with her the entire day. Of course, being a waitress is inherently stressful, even for a people person like her. There is just no satisying some people. How is it her fault toast gets burnt and the pickles are too sour or that the zeroes on the cash register print-outs look like fucking eights? It is her fault she gets ogled too much, though. Maybe it's time to take Regina's advice and dress more modestly for work.

Just then an image of Regina's lustful gaze eyeing her legs crosses her mind, which inspires Ruby to dismiss that idea out of hand. Sure, she shows a lot of midriff, her shorts are practically non-existent, and her skirts redefine the term _mini_ , but the skeezy leering is worth it when she drags home to her apartment after a twelve hour shift and Regina is waiting for her with liquid sin in her eyes and the best kind of danger in her posture. It was that very same look she was wearing when she waltzed into the diner while Ruby was doing routine cleaning before locking up.

Ruby shudders again at the activities that followed. She'll never view her workplace the same way again, and that is such a good thing. She made some memories tonight that have imprinted so strongly she is sure they will last a lifetime.

The only problem is that it's eerily quiet in the diner now that Regina is gone. Even when utterly silent, the woman has a way of filling up a room with noise that cannot be drowned out with one of Ruby's Bon Jovi albums turned up to full blast. She misses it instantly whenever they have to be apart, which is too much of late in her opinion. Stupid jobs. Stupid responsibilities to the community. Stupid Rumplestiltskin returning magic to Storybrooke and unleashing a phantasm that nearly killed the woman she loves. Stupid Jefferson and his stupid hat that sucked Emma and Snow back into the Enchanted Forest. Everything is conspiring to keep them apart, it seems, and Ruby is sick of it dammit!

"Ruby."

The sharp call of her name makes Ruby nearly jump out of her skin. She whirls to find her grandmother leaning against the back partition, having obviously slipped in through the door that separates the diner from the B&B.

Hand over her chest, Ruby tries to slow down her racing heart. "Granny! God, you scared me half to death. What are you doing here so late?"

"I forgot my shawl," Granny says, pushing off the wall to stride in Ruby's direction. She pauses at the counter to give it the stink eye before catching Ruby's gaze. "Good thing, too. Make sure to clean the counter at least three times. Can't have it smellin' like sex for the breakfast rush hour."

Slack jawed, Ruby feels panic crawling up the length of her spine. _Granny knows?_ Dread follows in panic's chilly wake. "H-How...wh-wha..."

With an exasperated huff, Granny rolls her eyes dramatically. "I'm old, girl. Not blind. I've known about you two for years. Never said nothin' 'cause you're so damn happy. That's all I care about. As for the other, my nose still works just fine. 'Specially since the curse broke. I could smell you two all over the second I opened the door. Especially you." She then eyes Ruby critically. "I'm guessin' the Queen gave a whole lot more than she got tonight."

Upon hearing that, Ruby is pretty sure her entire body turns into one gigantic blush. "Jesus Christ, Gran!"

Granny's resulting smirk is one for the ages. "What? Just statin' facts. By the way, if I were you, I'd use that key in your hand and go pay back the favor. I imagine Her Majesty is not one to appreciate bein' left in the lurch."

Ruby groans as embarrassment overwhelms her earlier dread and panic. "Oh my God. Seriously? Kill me now, 'cause I'm never gonna be able to look you in the eye again." It's true. Her grandmother knows she's having sex with Regina – lots and lots and lots of sex with Regina, some of which happened just minutes ago right here in the diner and on top of the counter her hip is currently leaning against no less. What's worse is that she now knows that Granny now knows what her...stuff...smells like. And that comes with a wave of humiliation that nearly bowls her over. She doesn't think she'll ever recover from this.

"C'mon now, Ruby," Granny says, staring at her drolly. "Your mama didn't just magically appear outta thin air or get dropped on my doorstep by a stork like parents tell their kids in this world. I had to work hard twice to get that child. My memories of the first time are particularly precious. Why, when I was done with your grandpappy, he couldn't even..."

Holding up her hand to interrupt, Ruby tries to chase away the traumatic images assaulting her. She never met her grandfather, but she saw an old drawing of him Granny made when they were younger. Now all she can think about it her grandparents in a similar position to the one Regina had her in less than ten minutes ago.

"Stop. Just...stop. Please, for the love of God," she says, her stomach churning now. "I get it, okay! Christ almighty. I'm gonna have to scrub my brain tonight."

"Maybe Regina can help you with that after she fucks 'em out, eh?"

Before Ruby can manage to process the language her seventy year old grandmother just used, Granny breaks out in a hoarse cackle, turns away, fetches her shawl off the coat rack, and then sidles back out the way she had come in. Shell-shocked but sort of amused, Ruby listens to her belly-laugh all the way out of the Diner and on into the B&B. Once she's all alone, she allows herself a tremulous chuckle. One thing is for certain, Granny is a character that makes for one interesting moment after another. She just wonders what's going to happen the next time Regina comes in and Granny is working the register.

 _Oh God_ , she thinks, already blushing at the innuendos that will not-so-subtly be dispensed. Granny has always regarded Regina's equestrian skills as exemplary, but now any complements about her talents for riding are going to take on a whole new meaning.

For the third time in half an hour, Ruby shudders. Lest she ruin the rest of her night, however, she shakes off that line of contemplation. As mortified as she is about what just happened, Granny was right to point out Regina does not like to be left waiting too long.

Unbidden, images pop into her mind that are far more appealing. In them, Regina is already seated on the couch, wine bottle prepped and bulbous glasses on the coffee table. With those toned legs crossed at the knees and anticipation burning in impossibly dark eyes, she is settled back into the cushions, ready for the nightcap before their nightcap. Regina is a sexy woman twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty-five days a year, but when she's aroused...

"Jesus..." Ruby breathes, feeling herself dampen and clench as a thrill chases down her spine, corkscrews into her belly, then surges into her nether regions.

Like a shameless, wanton mistress, she's already aching for more. And she doesn't even feel bad about it. After all, it's not like Regina left the Diner without her expectations being made crystal clear by the key she gave Ruby. It is an open invitation redeemable at any hour affording free access to her house. It is all but _their_ house now, Ruby amends, the thought of which dispels any remaining embarrassment in favor of euphoria. Regina is finally ready to go public with their relationship and Ruby can hardly believe it.

Never one to think twice about a spot of good luck, she finishes the clean up faster than she ever has. She even wipes down the counter six times just to be safe. After she's done and the diner is all securely locked up, Ruby sprints to her Camaro, hops in, and then peels out of her parking space with a grin splitting her cheeks.

She has a Queen to serve tonight and she refuses to be late.


End file.
